I want to start off by saying there is no birth plan that is better than the other. Whatever you have decided is amazing for you! As long as you are comfortable and it makes you happy that is all that matters. I have decided that I would like to go the natural route. Of course if a medical emergency happens, God forbid, I want my doctor to do what ever she thinks is best for my daughter and I. However I am trying to do everything in my power to stay active, healthy and knowledgeable to prevent me from getting anything less than a natural birth. While I am excited and trust my body to do this, many people have had a lot to say to discourage me. I’m sure it’s not coming from a bad place, but people will most definitely put their personal experiences on you and try to make it your experience.
For starters my cousin who is a nurse who I love dearly straight up told me that she does not think I can endure the pain of labor. She told me that she would be very shocked and surprised if I were able to do it. When she saw the look on my face, she then threw in a ” I would be so proud of you if you did it.” Thanks cuzzo! I appreciate you! Then we have my lovely mother in law who had a very traumatic experience when giving birth to her daughter and my husband. They both got stuck in the birth canal due to their large shoulders and had to be delivered via emergency vbac. She went into detail about how I don’t know what I’m talking about and that once I feel one contraction I will be begging for drugs. She then told me that I should schedule a cesarean section so I don’t have to “worry” about anything. She went on to tell me that then it would be much better because, I will know when the baby will be here and she could plan to come and visit us. She also proudly shared that she had her daughter do the same thing twice. After having a conversation with my sister in law about this, she shared that she wished she had actually tried to give birth vaginally instead of just submitting to getting a cesarean. My own mother supports what I want to do, but she also made sure to throw in how getting an epidural is great and needed and will help with the pain, despite the fact that I shared my wishes against this. Now I share all this not because I think my family is horrible, I love them very much and appreciate their concerns for me. However each and every one of them were only sharing things from their experiences, what they have seen and fear to be honest. Of course you want to share things with your family members, but if it is something that you truly believe in and you aren’t getting the support or positive feedback you would like then stop talking! Talk about it when it’s over and you achieved that goal. Sometimes we get excited or so passionate that we share too much, then we are disappointed when it does not work out.
Here is how I look at it, as women we are strong Queens! Our bodies are made to do this. So many women before us have done it, and have done it more than once. Of course it is going to hurt, burn and ache. There are plenty of things in life that I have gone through that have brought me pain but has made me so much better as well. Anything worth having often comes with a struggle. In my eyes my baby is worth every surge, contraction or back pain that I have coming my way. I am in control of what I let my mind consume, and more importantly God is in control. He has me covered today, tomorrow and on my delivery day.
Here are some of my suggestions to new mamas when it comes to sharing your birth plan:
1. Connect with women who have done what you plan to do.
One thing that has really helped me to stay focused is talking to women who have had natural births. Their perspectives and what they have to say is so different from those who went into birth with fear or those who never recovered from a bad experience. The encouragement that I get is very helpful and reminds me that this is not impossible.
2. Respectfully thank people for their unwanted information and experiences, and let them know you are confident in your choices/birth plan.
When all the loving friends and family come at you fast, have that script ready. Trust me whether you ask or not the opinions will come. People will tell you their horror stories and everything that was unbearable for them. They may “support” you but make faces and side comments. They may even tell you all the reasons why your birth plan is wrong for you. Respectfully tell them that you are looking forward to having your own experience. Thank them for their advice, but let them know you would like to remain positive and that negative vibes are not welcomed.
3. Prepare for your plan.
Watch birth videos, do your research and make sure you are educated. Be sure to educate yourself on plans that are not even your own. It’s important to know what can happen, why and what recovery will be like. This way if your plan is unable to happen you don’t have to be shocked. You also will somewhat know what to expect. In my opinion its better to know and learn about the process of birth as much as you can. For example I know I want to have a natural birth so I work out as much as I can and do a lot of workouts that will open up my hips and build my stamina. I also plan on taking natural birthing classes to educate myself on different techniques.
4. Give yourself positive affirmations daily!
I literally talk to myself everyday and tell myself that I am strong and beautiful! My body can handle this. My body was MADE for this. Positive self talk WORKS. I actually plan on writing these affirmations down on little cards and hanging them up in my delivery room. So whenever I feel like giving up I will have a reminder on the wall to breathe my baby down and out.
5. Create the support you want.
For the family members who truly believe in your plan, include them. I have created my own birth team. It consists of my husband and good friend who is also my doula. My husband supports whatever I want to do and my friend is a dream! They come with me to all my appointments and will be taking classes with me. My family is not close by so I had to work with what I had. I also made arrangements to have support shortly after giving birth when I come home.
I hope this helps! You got this mamas and remember your birth plan is YOURS! Don’t change it unless you want changes. I will be sure to share my birth plan in a later post.
….post written by BMD Contributor, Bianca Simone, a lifestyle blogger and first published HERE